What is self-compassion
Self-Compassion is a relatively new field of psychology which focuses on the ability to direct compassion towards the ourselves in times of need. All of us, at different times in our lives will come across setbacks, failure, illness or other sudden changes. How we respond to these circumstances is important, and the ability to care for ourselves during hardships is as important as our ability to care for others in similar circumstances. Self-compassion is a quality that can be enhanced, cultivated and practiced. Research is showing that self-compassion can bring many benefits.
What Self Compassion Involves
We need an integration of both aspects of self-compassion for optimal functioning. The “Ying & Yang” of self-compassion needs to be balanced.
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Lack of “Soft” Self-Compassion may lead to conceited self-righteousness or demonization of others.
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Lack of “Strong” Self-Compassion may lead to disempowerment and leaving the status quo unchallenged.
What Self-Compassion is not…
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“Self-pity” Self-compassion is not feeling sorry for ourselves. It is the realisation that life is hard for everyone at different times.
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“Being nice to everyone all the time” Self-compassion involves caring for ourselves and recognising what is most needed. This may involve saying No to excessive or inappropriate requests from others without guilt.
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“Wimpy” Self-compassion involves courage, facing up to difficulties and taking appropriate action
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“Selfish” Selfishness is not caring about others. Self-compassion encourages personal responsibility and making ammends if we are in the wrong. It involves forgivenss of self and others.
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“Self-Indulgence” Self-compassion means looking at the consequences of our actions and taking into account the bigger picture (not just the short term)
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“Weakness” Self-criticism can undermine confidence and make us stressed. Self-compassion is about personal standards and values. Self-compassion is not beating oneself up or being afraid of failure, but trying and persisting for the greater good. Research shows that self-compassion increases our motivation.
“Self-esteem” Self-esteem is a related concept but not the same as self-compassion. Self-esteem involves feeling good about oneself, especially in relation to achievement. Self-esteem might be based on comparison to others. Self-esteem is considered by some as a “fair weather friend” – easy to find when things are going well. Self-compassion on the other hand becomes most prominent when there is loss, failure or difficulty in our lives.